Gamble it up for Jesus

I got my first question today! Yeah, Baby! Someone loves me!

Q: Luc in Toronto asks - Which sites are the most rigged.

A: Luc, based on my extensive first hand knowledge of a number of sites, they're all freakin' rigged, man. If I had to award the title of most riggededest it would probably have to go to RiverStars. Man, I get sucked out on there so much it's insane. I had a guy go runner runner quads on me last week. He then proceeded to insist in chat that it was because he is a Christian and Jesus wants him to be rich so he can do God's work. I asked him how come the Republicans don't want to allow gambling then. Why they don't just let us all gamble and the Christiens can take all our money and give it to God. He said it doesn't work that way, but I should be happy because my money will help his church. Maybe I'll convert or something.

Ask A Fish!!!

I've been playing poker seriously for about four years now and have just finally come to the realization that I'm a fish.

That's right, I'm a guppy, a minnow, a trout, a snapper. I've tried limit hold'em. I've tried no limit hold'em. I've played cash games and sitngos and tournaments. I've played online and in home games and at cardrooms. I've multitabled. I've played Pokerstars, and FullTilt, and UltimateBet, and PartyPoker(which is soooo rigged). I've played stakes from $.05/$.10 limit to $1000nl. I've lost at just about all of them.

I've read books. I started with Super System. It's an entertaining book, but I just haven't been able to apply it successfully. Then Mr. Sklansky made my head swim with Hold'em Poker and Hold'em Poker for Advanced Players. Then Kill Phil almost killed my bankroll. And that midget Scott Fischman may be a great player, but his book didn't help me at all. Finally, Phil Crybaby Helmuth's book had me jumping around whining and crying like a baby, which I guess works for him but didn't help me in the slightest. I've forked out hundreds of $$$ for statkeepers and hole card readers and pattern mappers. They're all scams.

I don't think I'm a stupid guy. I did well in school. I scored 1360 on my SATs. I have a graduate degree in a technical field. But I can't play poker a lick. After I went busto, I went through all my Firepay and Neteller transactions yesterday, and I've run through approximately $140,000 over the last four years. But I'm a fish so I'll probably deposit more this week and keep playing, hoping I'll finally find a game I can win. I've been kicked out of apartments. I've gone hungry. I've lost friends.

Somehow until now I didn't really realize how bad a player I was. Yet here I sit, in front of my computer wearing nothing but a cockring, ready to fire up another table.
Why? I have no idea except that I'm a fish.

So for those of you that can play poker, ask a fish. Ask me about being a fish. Hell, if you're a fellow fish or suspect you might be a fish, talk to me, ask me anything. All questions directed to "Ask a Fish" will be answered in the order received, and posted in future blog updates in a Q&A format.

Go ahead. Click here to ask a fish.